jumping on the bandwagon

Ah me- insomnia is part of my daily routine. A wise person makes wise use of their time and takes advantage of opportunities as they come.

Strength- I want it- physically, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically.
I love being physically strong. I was not a tom girl (or was it boy) nor girlly girl. I was in between. I still am absolutely in between. I want to be able to throw a pack of shingles on the roof, fell trees and build whatever needs building. I want long, flowing gowns and long, flowing, curly hair. Strength and independence go hand in hand. I have to be physically fit to care for myself, my family and my property. I will not be helpless because something is heavy or difficult. I love watching old movies because the women are so strong. I love the tough broads- Rosie the Riveter types who rise to the challenge as if it were merely an annoyance like spoiled milk. Look at those photos from the 40's. They are perfectly made up and coiffed with a smile for the camera and hope in their eyes. And they never backed down. They took the shot gun off the wall, they threw boiling water, they stamped their feet and refused and insisted. They had curves and loved themselves for it. They knew they had power and strength by that love. Their clothes were to die for- glorious bias cut satin gowns, fun denim capries and knotted button down shirts and always the perfect shoe. Don't forget red lipstick and a hat, a lace hankie with a drop of perfume.
Pin up girls are strong and wonderful. Her image was on airplanes, on posters, everywhere. She was a bit risque' - sometimes very risque'- but not pornographic. She was alone. She was having fun. She was strong and doing just fine. She was virtuous by the strength in her fidelity.
My god speaks to me in a language that I understand. I also speak to my god in a language that can be understood coming from me. I can not pray with a French accent, nor should I try. I speak with smoke and fire and images in my mind. This is how we communicate most efficiently. It takes a long time to say things, but the conversation is there. Efficient and fast are not the same thing. The more I use my form of prayer, the more I feel the presence of god in my life; the more I see it others, the more I listen.
Scarbage- the mental junk you can't manage to throw away, even though you know it is useless
I watched commercials for Scientology as a child and thought it should be looked into. I have issues with some of Mr Hubbard's ideas. He's a bit of a chauvinist and I think he made poor vocab choices here and there. The theories work though. Auditing works. The most difficult part is that I have insomnia so much, that we can not do a session for my lack of good rest. Nonetheless, what we have been able to do, and what I hope we will be able to do again, has healing qualities. I'm looking forward to sleeping, so we can clear out all this- Scarbage that I know is there but can't find the handhold yet to throw it out.
I need to learn something. Anything. I have a quote from The Once and Future King by T.H. White. "The best thing to do for being sad is to learn something. It is the only thing that never fails." I do not know as much as I would like, and what I do know, I know well. I can't tell you a thing about the infernal contraption I am using right now, but I can tell you everything about the fabric I'm wearing. The more I know, the better I can apply my physical strength and know how to accomplish goals with intellect when muscle is not enough.

It's been 2 of the 3 hours I have been awake this night. I will now lay in bed doing isometric exercises while doing crossword puzzles in ink.

physically strong = independence
emotionally strong = virtue
spiritually strong = indelibly
psychologically strong = restful body and thought
intellectually strong = order and understanding