Time to Grow up

I have to turn down another job offer because of cash flow. I am not amused. I'm pissed as hell. I hate being a grown up and having to think so much of the bottom line. I am encouraged to keep looking- to find the job when I feel productive and satisfied. I did. And I have to turn it down because it is half the hourly rate , AND half the hours. I'm the money and I have these boys to make sure have a better life than I did. I have to make sure they learn to push themselves- to take advantage of every ounce of education they can squeeze out of every brain they find. I have to make sure they don't grow up like me and one day decide "Today I will grow old because I can no longer dream or hope for something better for myself". I was never taught these things. I did not have anyone to believe in me, to talk to, to guide me. And now that I am lost, I will have to be their guide. It's too late for me. I will stay at my current employ. I will grow old and humorless, but by God they will not be like me. Patrick said he wanted to be like me when he was about 4 years old. He said I was strong- like a mermaid. When he was older he said if he were a hero, he would be a child of Athena. I have no idea who he is talking about. I had to give up being that person. Today, I am no hero. Today, I got old and grew up. No more dreams for me, just for them.

every morning

when it effects your sleep- like insomnia or nightmares when it effects you self image when your talents are unused and forgotten when it effects you ability to interact with you family and children you gain weight, have stomach pains, and basic health is compromised you shut down emotionally and spiritually, because who you know you are is not ok where you are If it is a relationship, you are encouraged to out- even helped If it is a job, you are supposed to be grateful you have it, look on the bright side and ignore the bad parts, endure it, and convince yourself it's not that bad. off to work I go-

Real life education

Sometimes my replies on Facebook get long. I will be adding more to this. Right now I need breakfast-

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Common sense doesn't mean as much as it used to. Common sense is taught in the home, while the broad spectrum to application is what is refined in schools. We SCAdians need to remember we are a rare exception to the general whole society rule. I had 5th graders at the museum that didn't know you could cook without a microwave. As American's evolution dumbs down, common sense disappears. We have lost the understanding that kick ball is an application of practical physics. Or that imagination is the source of innovation, not just macaroni art. Go play kid!!

I don't "qualify" for any jobs I want for lack of a piece of paper. I know what I know and what I am capable of doing and learning. My word is no longer enough and that makes me very very sad.