Master of most

I am in need of a master in the old sense of the word. I need a guide and mentor. There have been times when I have expressed my need in a lot of different categories. I search for a spiritual mentor, especially in terms of my supernatural tendencies and tend to encounter folks who say "Yeah, me too- and then continue to tell me how their experiences were more significant than mine. Or they nod and patronize me-amused at my inexperience and smug in theirs. I search for a costume/clothing mentor, and they say I'm doing it wrong because it is not their way. Like the old Chinese man in the wood- I need someone who sees that I want to know and is confident enough in their own skills to not worry if mine are or become greater. The key may being finding someone who is not emotionally invested in the outcome. And by emotionally invested, I mean someone who will not feel they are less if I excel. Makes me sound arrogant doesn't it? Well ask me if I care- It's the energy I can feel coming from who I ask-

challenge from Joel Davis:

Essay question of the day: Is it easier to pick up nuns or bartenders? Discuss in 200 words or less.

My vote is with nuns. A bartender, especially an experienced one, knows bullshit when she sees it and, in fact, expects it from any man who knows she is a bartender. A nun on the other hand, has a zest and love of life that that does not always sense an ulterior motive. (I am using my Aunt Mary as a base comparison here)

I am what I say I am-

my definitions because of my job:

I am dedicated. I can stick with the job and get it done.
I am ingenious. When it needs to get done, I'll use what's available to make it happen.

I am creative.

I can lead crews. I can anticipate production needs


I can teach. There is appeal in teaching an individual skills and practices that can begin change on a community level, then to a county one.

Time to Grow up

I have to turn down another job offer because of cash flow. I am not amused. I'm pissed as hell. I hate being a grown up and having to think so much of the bottom line. I am encouraged to keep looking- to find the job when I feel productive and satisfied. I did. And I have to turn it down because it is half the hourly rate , AND half the hours. I'm the money and I have these boys to make sure have a better life than I did. I have to make sure they learn to push themselves- to take advantage of every ounce of education they can squeeze out of every brain they find. I have to make sure they don't grow up like me and one day decide "Today I will grow old because I can no longer dream or hope for something better for myself". I was never taught these things. I did not have anyone to believe in me, to talk to, to guide me. And now that I am lost, I will have to be their guide. It's too late for me. I will stay at my current employ. I will grow old and humorless, but by God they will not be like me. Patrick said he wanted to be like me when he was about 4 years old. He said I was strong- like a mermaid. When he was older he said if he were a hero, he would be a child of Athena. I have no idea who he is talking about. I had to give up being that person. Today, I am no hero. Today, I got old and grew up. No more dreams for me, just for them.